Not only do we pass on eye color, but we pass on who they will become.  I hada show on where the dad is a police officer and he teaches his children about 911.  They were even able to go to the call center.  I am a doula and going to school to become a nurse practioner.  What do I think is important to teach my children?  We are always talking about the body, health, and and lots of chemistry.

I was watching Lisa Ling’s “Our America” on schooling children (I love her series!).  One family ‘unschools’ their children.  I know they promote discovery.  I think this is very important for children to be able to develop themselves as individuals.  I was wondering though, how do the parent’s interests play into that?  Are they somehow unknowingly coerced in a certain direction?

I truly think children need to be exposed to situations and people who are very different than us.  How do you expose your children to thinking and seeing life in a different way?  What may your persuasions be?

Are you ashamed to say you don’t like your child?  Does it cause you to feel like a failure?  In this month’s issue of Redbook Magazine, one mother wrote a provocative article about her experience with motherhood.  From the moment her little girl was born, she said she didn’t feel that connection.  As her daughter got older, she didn’t hit the typical milestones and the wedge grew deeper.  She went on to have another daughter and experienced an immediate bond.  She eventually sought medical help and found out her daughter had a growth hormone problem.  After her child was on medication, she says she began to feel connected to her and her daughter became more “normal”.

This is a part of motherhood no one wants to talk about.  As with breastfeeding, we are led to believe when the baby comes out, all is perfect.  When the fact of the matter really is, there is a learning curve for both baby and mama.  It isn’t always rainbows, glitter, and unicorns.  Ya know what?  It’s o.k!  Yes, I said, that feeling (or lack there of) is o.k!  Even better, you aren’t the only one!   If you have never known someone who shares your frustrating experience, now you have.  Our second little one was very sick when she was born and spent some time in the NICU.  After she came home, that first year was full of crying (both of us), projectile vomiting, and many doctor visits.  We never really bonded because I was so exhausted caring for this little baby that I couldn’t muster any affectionate feelings.  When she grew into toddlerhood, I had to put forth great effort to have those affectionate feelings.  I thought it very sad that I had to put forth effort to enjoy my child.  I’m supposed to be her mommy, for goodness sake.  As time went on, I had to put forth less and less effort.  Now, the bond is the same as with my other 3.

Even to say we love our child but don’t always like them seems taboo.  Isn’t this true though?  Your precious little toddler is extra quiet.  You go to investigate.  Upon turning the corner you see your favorite lipstick smoothered all over the wall, your toddler’s face, and ground into the carpet.  At this moment, while you will always love your precious cherub, I would venture to say you don’t like them much at that moment.  Perhaps your child has a habit that just gets under your skin.  It’s o.k, just think about your own parents and what drove them nuts.

We place such high expectations of motherhood.  When the expectations aren’t met, we feel like we somehow failed.  Recently my hubby and I have had conversations about the pressures placed upon us.  I have a confession, my kids don’t bath every single day and we don’t read them bedtime stories while they are nestled in bed.  Instead of focusing on what society expects of you, stop and go within.  Think about your values and what you want to pass on to your children.  Don’t focus so much on being the perfect mommy, instead focus on teaching your children the values you want them to possess.  If you mess up, that’s quite o.k.  Apologize and move on.  After all, we are human BEINGS, not human DOERS.  If you are struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out, there is always someone who knows how you feel.

I have much younger siblings and remember the gear we used to take care of them. Sometimes I am one of those “remember when we used…….” I mean really, how safe was it to have the baby in their car seat up front next to my mom driving? We knew nothing about BPA’s. I could go on and on sitting here laughing at the fight of whose turn it was to wind the swing back up.

The FDA and Consumer Product Safety Commission are reniging their approval of sleep positioners. They suggest consumers stop using them immediately and reiterate not to have anything in the crib other than a small blanket and baby. In the past 13 years there has been 12 reported deaths from suffocation due to these sleep positioners. The Commission has received dozens of reports of babies who were placed on their back then were found later to have rolled to crazy positions inside the positioner or even outside the positioner. FDA pediatric expert Susan Cummins, M.D., M.P.H, says “The safest crib is a bare crib. Always put your baby on his or her back to sleep. An easy way to remember this is to follow the ABC’s of safe sleep—Alone on the Back in a Bare Crib.””

For the companies that have previously received approval, the FDA is requiring them to submit data proving the benefits outweigh the risks. They are also requesting the manufacturing companies suspend production of anymore until they have reviewed the data and can confidently say the benefits outweigh the risks.

Perhaps these will become another item we look back at and laugh saying ‘remember when we used sleep positioners?’

As I sit here in the waiting room waiting to rejoin my client who’s VBAC ended with a c-section, I am reminded how much of fertility, pregnancy, and childbirth is waiting.  As the saying goes “hurry up and wait”.  We wait for each time of ovulation  to hopefully get pregnant this cycle.  We wait for the next doctor appointment to see how we are doing and when we get there, we wait some more.  We wait those last few weeks when we feel like a house and are ready to meet our little one, we wait for birthing day.  Once labor pains begin, we wait on our bodies to tell us when to push.  Once our baby has been born, we wait to get the “all clear” to go back to our full schedules.  Perhaps all of this waiting is preparing us for the immense amount of love, patience, and nuturing we need to care for a child.  We mothers must be good at waiting right?  Maybe for some of us, it’s in our DNA.  I know for some (myself included), waiting can be as challenging as those labor pains.  I think a perfect balance of hurry up waiting and savoring the moment is within our reach.  Savor the moments that make us feel alive,  those moments our children steal our hearts yet again (yes, you know those moments, when you feel you could burst because of the love for them).  There are so many lessons our children are waiting to teach us, we just need to slow down and notice.  You can hurry up and wait when they are teenagers and you find yourself on the couch because curfew is soon approaching.  While they are small and even not yet born, savor the moments.  I know it’s a trite phrase, but it is so true “they grow up so fast”.  Even if you don’t have the pleasure of being surrounded by children, stop and remember the amazingness children bring to our lives, the lessons they teach, the love they so freely give, the laughter that is never far from their tongue, and their awesome curiosity.  If a child is near you, hug them and let them know how much they are loved.

One of the silly games I play with my kids……

“Why do I love you?” I ask

“Because I’m __________ (fill in the name).” they answer

There has been controversy over the safety of baby slings lately. When used properly, they can be such a useful tool for us busy mamas. Here is a quick video from the tv show The Doctors on how to properly use a sling.

Baby Sling Safety

One of my favorite books is called The Best Loved Poems of the American People.  It is a compilation of poetry with a copyright date of 1936.  I recently came across a poem I had to share.  It is fascinating to see we have come full circle in our infant care.  Another interesting point, this sarcastic poem is written by a man.  Here is your laugh for the day.

The Modern Baby

“The hand that rocks the cradle”–but there is no such hand;

It is bad to rock the baby, they would have us understand;

So the cradle’s but a relic of the former foolish days

When mothers reared their children in unscientific ways–

When they jounced them and they bounced them, these poor dwarfs of long ago–

The Washingtons and Jeffersons and Adamses, you know.

They warn  us that the baby will possess a muddled brain

If we dandle him or rock him–we must carefully refrain;

He must lie in one position, never swayed and never swung,

Or his chance to grow to greatness will be blasted while he’s young.

Ah! To think how they were ruined by their mothers long ago–

The Franklins and the Putnams and the Hamiltons, you know.

Then we must feed the baby by the schedule that is made,

And the food that he is given must be measured out or weighed.

He may bellow to inform us that he isn’t satisfied,

But he couldn’t grow to greatness if his wants were all supplied.

Think how foolish nursing stunted those poor weaklings, long ago–

The Shakespeares and the Luthers and the Buonapartes, you know.

We are given a great mission, we are here today on earth

To bring forth a race of giants, and to guard them from their brith,

To insist upon their freedom from the rocking that was bad

For our parents and their parents, scrambling all the brains they had.

Ah!  If they’d been fed by schedule would they have been stunted so?

The Websters and the Lincolns and the Roosevelts, you know.

This is the U.S. Department of Defense’s guide on emergency childbirth. I think if doctors adhered to this, there would be many changes in our world; the US rate for maternal deaths during childbirth would decrees instead of increase, it would save some serious dough for the insurance companies who would pass along those savings, there would be many more women confident with their body, and interventions would be kept to a minimum.

Emergency Childbirth

A Reference Guide for Students

Medical Self-Help Training Course

Lesson No. 11

Emergency Childbirth

What To Do

1. Let nature be your best helper. Childbirth is a very natural act.

2. At first signs of labor assign the best qualified person to remain with mother.

3. Be calm; reassure mother.

4. Place mother and attendant in the most protected place in the shelter.

5. Keep children and others away.

6. Keep hands as clean as possible

7. Keep hands away from birth canal

8. See the babybr! eathes well.

9. Place the baby face down across the mother’s abdomen.

10. Keep baby warm.

11. Wrap afterbirth with baby.

12. Keep baby with mother constantly.

13. Make mother as comfortable as possible.

14. Identify baby.

What Not To Do

1. DO NOT hurry.

2. DO NOT pull on baby, let baby be born naturally.

br! >

3. DO NOT pull on the cord, let the placenta (afterbirth) come naturally.

4. DO NOT cut and tie the cord until the baby AND the afterbirth have been delivered.

5. DO NOT give medication.

DO NOT HURRY – LET NATURE TAKE HER COURSE.

{emphasis is not mine – I copied this exactly as written}