That age old debate, to be a stay at home mom or go back to work.  I recently came across a poll on a pregnancy website.  The question: Will you go back to work after the baby is born?  One of the options was ‘Yes!  I would get bored’ while at the other end was ‘I can’t afford to leave my job’.  I would venture to say those at the latter end would choose to stay home if they could.  It is amazing how many things can be cut from the budget to accomplish this (also, figure in crazy daycare costs).  It does take some sacrifice (what part of motherhood doesn’t?).  If it is important to your family, you CAN do it!  Our family certainly has for the last 7 1/2 years and we make below the average income for our area.  The following ideas are ones we use.  If you have some (other than coupon clipping because my bored meter goes through the roof), please share!

Here are some ideas:

- Become a one car family ( we were one for 7 years until recently).  Add up the cost of gas to and from work, insurance, up keep i.e oil changes, car payments, etc for that second car.  Also, the money you could make if you sell it.

-Cut back on cable.  I know what you are saying; WHAT?!  I WILL MISS _______(fill in the show)!!  There is netflix and the vast world of online viewing (fancast.com for example).  Trust me when I say, I don’t miss it much.  I find myself much more productive.

-Eat at home more.  What a gift to your kids to eat together with them in a calm setting where you don’t have to worry about how long they can be entertained.  Also, they can become more involved in the cooking process and possibly eat healthier because they get to help pick and and prepare the ingredients.

-Plan meals.  This is such a saver because you aren’t making those last minute trips to the grocery store for one item while coming out with a few bags full.

-Make your own coffee.  Not only cheaper but healthier because you control what goes in.  You can even get a variety of sugar free syrups.

-Buy children’s clothes second hand and shop Craigslist (it’s amazing what people sell and the deals!).

-Remember we want to raise well adjusted kids, so having all the latest and greatest isn’t the best for them anyways.  Teach them how to save and earn things they really want.  They will appreciate what they DO have more and will more likely be givers.

-Start a garden and plant those foods that are a little more spendy like blueberries and tomatoes.  It’s a perfect way for your kids to have an appreciation for healthy food and they understand where food comes from.  If they are a little older, perfect weed pickers (and a great way to earn some extra money)!

-Did you know that many generic items have the same ingredients as the name brand?  Want an amazing example?  We need seasonal allergy medicine in our house.  The name brand was almost $21, the generic brand (with the same ingredients and dosage amount) almost $6!

-If you have a gaming system, find some friends with the same one and trade games.

-Go to your local library and search out book on the subject of money/budgets to become an expert on your personal circumstances and goals.

Above all, remember your kids spell love T-I-M-E.  They won’t say you were the greatest because you gave them everything, they will say you are the greatest because of how many kisses, hugs, and games you played with them. When you start looking for creative ways to live a full, frugal life, they will find you! I promise because we are proof.

As I sit here in the waiting room waiting to rejoin my client who’s VBAC ended with a c-section, I am reminded how much of fertility, pregnancy, and childbirth is waiting.  As the saying goes “hurry up and wait”.  We wait for each time of ovulation  to hopefully get pregnant this cycle.  We wait for the next doctor appointment to see how we are doing and when we get there, we wait some more.  We wait those last few weeks when we feel like a house and are ready to meet our little one, we wait for birthing day.  Once labor pains begin, we wait on our bodies to tell us when to push.  Once our baby has been born, we wait to get the “all clear” to go back to our full schedules.  Perhaps all of this waiting is preparing us for the immense amount of love, patience, and nuturing we need to care for a child.  We mothers must be good at waiting right?  Maybe for some of us, it’s in our DNA.  I know for some (myself included), waiting can be as challenging as those labor pains.  I think a perfect balance of hurry up waiting and savoring the moment is within our reach.  Savor the moments that make us feel alive,  those moments our children steal our hearts yet again (yes, you know those moments, when you feel you could burst because of the love for them).  There are so many lessons our children are waiting to teach us, we just need to slow down and notice.  You can hurry up and wait when they are teenagers and you find yourself on the couch because curfew is soon approaching.  While they are small and even not yet born, savor the moments.  I know it’s a trite phrase, but it is so true “they grow up so fast”.  Even if you don’t have the pleasure of being surrounded by children, stop and remember the amazingness children bring to our lives, the lessons they teach, the love they so freely give, the laughter that is never far from their tongue, and their awesome curiosity.  If a child is near you, hug them and let them know how much they are loved.

One of the silly games I play with my kids……

“Why do I love you?” I ask

“Because I’m __________ (fill in the name).” they answer

During pregnancy you are not only caring for your own body, but that little baby too. What better gift to give the baby then health? What better time then the moment that stick has a plus sign? I know the first trimester is tough and at that point what you can keep down is perfect. Once you have made it past the pukey stage, it’s time to think about the kind of health legacy you want to give to your child. Is it important to you? Is it just not a priority? Do you want your child to live on fast food and the infamous red dye 40 (it’s so good, I know!)? Is your goal to feed them whole grains with some fruit and veggies mixed in there? Take a few minutes and ponder on this.

What do you wish your parents had done differently?
What did you appreciate about how your parents handled physical health?
What were your habits pre-pregnancy?
What habits do you want to change/keep?
Where are you on the spectrum between fast food for every meal and everything organic with no candy or fast food?
Do you anticipate the veggie fight (not every family does)?
What do you envision the dinner time experience to be in 10 years?
Are you all around the table, or are you all sharing a couch?
What food is on your plate?
Do you plan to cook meals?
Do you want to raise your children as vegetarians or as meat and potato people?
What ethnic foods do you want your children to experience?
What type of example do you want to model for them?

Maybe this is the perfect time to change your own habits for the better. Perhaps you have never given it a thought or maybe it is a daily decision. What one or two things can you easily change? What one or two things are a bit of a stretch but doable?

Now, if you are good with the awareness these questions have brought you, you don’t have to read on. If there are areas you want to change, keep reading.

Close your eyes, envision what you want your life to look like in 10 years. Really feel it, smell it, touch it, taste it, see it. Do you have that life strongly anchored in your mind?

Now make goals short term (perhaps when you bring the baby home), medium (when your baby is about age 5 and habits are formed), long term (that 10 years).
Make them:
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Time framed

Now that you have goals, set yourself up for success. For instance, if you have a goal to eat 5 fruits and veggies a day, make sure your fridge is always well stocked with them. Maybe take it a step further, set aside a space in your fridge to put your fruits and veggies for that day. If your goal is to eat less sugar, just don’t keep it in your house. If vending machines are a weakness, just don’t take cash to work with you.

As you are preparing the baby’s room, stocking up on diapers, and going to all those appointments, why not take some time to think about how you want to parent that sweet bundle? Use this as a fresh start if there are things in your life you want to change. What better way to honor your baby then a happy, healthy parent?

My biggest fear is my family being split due to death, especially if I’m still alive without them.  A few weeks ago I began thinking about writing lessons I have learned to pass down to my kids.  What if something happens to me and my kids are left behind without my guidance?  I just wrote the first post on my personal blog, The Domestic Engineer’s Union.

I came across this story today that really touched me.  Jemma was only 29 when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  She would be leaving behind a husband and 2 young kids.  In true mommy hero mode, she created a “master class” for her husband.  She planned ahead by writing future cards and notes.  She created instructions for her hubby on even the mundane housework.   The whole story is a must read!

I know it’s not something we want to think about.  Unfortunately we don’t know when and where that moment may be.  I would prefer to be prepared instead of my kids wondering who their mommy was.

If you died what would you want your kids to know about you and life in general?

After the baby is born you feel sleep deprived, scatter brained, and very forgetful.  I guess for some of us, this continues throughout their childhood.  The joke in my house, “Is it a cheese in the freezer kind of day?”.  I have been known to put food items in weird places.  An old friend used to say, “a few more brain cells are lost after each child so you can handle all the kids” (she had 5 by the age of 27).

Breastfeeding is one of those things that can feel like taking the SAT test all over again.  When was the last time the baby ate?  Is that why the baby is crying?  What side am I supposed to start on this time?  At 2am it’s even worse!  Imagine taking the SAT without any sleep the night before.  If you are pregnant with your first, please don’t be too scared.  Somehow you make it through.  Then, you think about having another one.

I found this product that is a DOH! moment.  It is so simple and yet so practical.  It is a nursing bracelet.  There is a detachable charm which you move to keep track of the time of feedings.  Also, if you are like me and can’t ever remember which side to start on, you can switch wrists to remind you.

Click on any picture.  It will take you to the different sites where you can purchase these smart beauties.

If you are anything like me, I wonder about the lives of other mothers. Do they also get grossed out when they are in public and hear the words “I need to go potty, mommy”?  If they wonder whether they are too clingy or not responsible enough? Recently, I came across Daphne, the creator of Cool Mom.  She is the average mom doing the best she can with a humoruos twist.  She maintains a blog as well as a vlog.  Go over to Cool Mom and meet her, then subscribe to her feed for some daily smiles and laughs.

I caught the first half of Oprah today.  I know, I know, sounds like the typical housewife huh?  Jenny McCarthy was on talking about her new book, Mother Warriors.  She introduced us to Monica.  After going through a painful divorce, she never thought she would find love again.  In walks Tony, they date and become engaged.  Monica gives birth to their daughter, Monica’s second baby.  She also had a then 9 year old.  After giving birth, she somehow obtained a flesh eating bacteria.  She lost some of her organs and eventually both legs and arms.  This is the most inspiring woman!  She never had a pity party, and never whined.  She began rehab and said she wanted to double whatever time they required.  Instead of 2 hours, she worked for 4 hours.  She just wanted to get back to her girls and fiancé.  While in the hospital going through her 37 surgeries and 4 months of rehab, she and Tony got married.  In a blue gown, in her hospital bed next to him, they said their vows.  She has learned to care for her girls, husband, and run the household with no arms and legs.  You really need to read the rest of the story!  She is certainly one of the most inspiring mothers I have ever come across!